We have a crisis in our family. My husband has a cancerous brain tumor. It's fast-growing, inoperable due to its location, and is also considered incurable. He has changed so much in the last several weeks due to this horrible thing--he's gone from being the smartest, most capable person I know to someone who relies on me for just about everything.
When I first started writing this blog, in October 2008, I said I was going to reinvent myself. Back then my thinking was very, very superficial. In the last couple of months--especially this past month--I have been reinvented because of this cancer.
We live in a small town and are surrounded by hundreds of people who care about us and are incredibly supportive. Home-cooked meals have been brought in, volunteers take my husband to his daily radiation treatments, and we had a huge turnout for the pitch-in dinner held in my husband's honor. We receive cards, emails, calls, hugs, and more types of help than I can name.
But essentially, it comes down to me. Little me, the gal who avoids decision-making because she's bad at it, who hasn't checked the oil in her car in all these years of marriage because it was done for her... I'm not the same person I was a few months ago, or even a few days ago.
It's reinvention. I guess I'll be a better person because of it.
Lately a few people have asked me if I'm still writing. I had a book due to come out electronically in March, and I haven't quite finished writing it. Haven't touched it since (I'm guessing) mid-November when we were beginning to try to figure out the cause of my husband's symptoms. But if I can, I would like to write again. I want to go back to Legend, Tennessee, and reintroduce myself to the characters I left in the lurch so many weeks ago.
People do, I know. People persevere in creative pursuits even while their hearts are breaking and they are emotionally exhausted. Not sure if I'm that kind of people or not.
Thanks for listening. I have missed being here...