Monday, September 6, 2010

Meeting

Yesterday and today I've sat through a couple of long meetings. Meetings with myself. The meetings looked almost nothing like the picture at left, except there was a tree nearby.

The first meeting was to take stock--I began with a list of the numbers 1 to 100, and next to each I wrote something to be thankful for. I stopped at 100, but could have gone on for a while. Most of the "things" weren't things at all, as you might imagine.

Then on one side of a steno pad, I made a list of the negatives in my life. On the other side of the vertical line, I wrote the positives. Not just random positives, but things that are positive about my problems. This was an eye-opener.

I've been re-reading Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach. These two exercises were in some of the recent chapters. (The book is set up to be read January 1 to December 31, but I started in August with the first chapter. Such a rebel.) I've loved this book for years, but it is more worthwhile to me now than ever before. I had intended to do the next exercise, but got busy with something else.

So I began the next exercise at about 3:30 this morning! It happens once in a while--I wake up with our family's problems on my mind. So I decided to lose some sleep in order to gain some peace of mind. I wrote out the conversation with myself. With my husband's illness, so much about our lives has changed. My mind is constantly full of what I should be doing--worries, questions, possible solutions--but it's just a chaotic swirl. Writing things down always helps me, and today was no exception.

I won't bore you with details, but I must take a sabbatical from writing. I don't have time and energy to do what I have to do in real life, and do my writer gig too. If I try, neither will be my best.

Each day lately when I fail to work on a story, I feel like a failure in general. In order to get through our family's situation as well as possible, I have to take care of myself--mentally, physically, and spiritually. If I don't do that, I can't take care of anyone else. 

I intend to post here at least once a month. I hope you won't forget me; I won't forget you. There are books I want to write, and one of these days it will be time for that.

Magdalena

11 comments:

  1. Ahhh, Magdalena, you need to do whatever you need to do to stay sane and healthy. The writing will always be there, even years down the road. Take your time and enjoy your family.

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  2. Sending you love, always. I think of you every day and try to send some positive energy.

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  3. Big hugs Magdalena. Jennifer is right, the writing will always be there, and one day you will come back to it. Right now there are people and situations that need your attention and focus, and you are so right to put those priorities at the top. Of course we won't forget you. And even across the miles, the friends you've made in the writing community are supporting you and praying for you.

    Much love - Amy

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  4. There is only so much the human mind can handle at one time. Sometimes, as women, we forget this as we multi-task ourselves to pieces. Your life has changed so drastically since learning of your husband's illness. That you have been able to write an entire novella with all you must do on a daily basis is astounding. You have been in inspiration, never a failure. Take care of you, your family, and all the rest will come in its time. God Bless, always.

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  5. Mags, I can only echo what others have already said. It breaks my heart to think about what you're going through. Do what you must. The writing world and those who inhabit it will always be here when you're ready to come back. Sending you much love and strength. Hold to your faith.

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  6. "There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die,a time to plant and a time to uproot,a time to kill and a time to heal,a time to tear down and a time to build,a time to weep and a time to laugh,a time to mourn and a time to dance"
    God has made everything beautiful in its time, even when it's the sad, mournful kind of beauty. The wisdom is realizing what time you're in, and acting accordingly. It sounds like you're doing that. Let us know what we can do to help you in your times.

    Love you, Mags.

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  7. Oh, ladies, thank you so very much. One thing about these nine months--in spite of the heartaches, it is as if our family's journey is cushioned by clouds. The love that surrounds us is amazing.

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  8. I just wanted to say, I wish you all the best and I think it's very insightful of you to make this decision.
    I've always believed that "to everything there is a season." Your writing will return when the season is right. Take care of yourself!
    Terri

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  9. Late to your post, big time. You've been on my mind a lot lately. So I went looking for your latest blog and here I am.

    Honey, what you're dealing with is hard for anyone and it requires, as you say, for you to be mentally, physically, and spiritually up to par. Very wise to scale down on things for the time being.

    Even if I haven't talked with you for a while, know you (and your family) are always in my prayers.

    Hey, we have a birthday coming up and on the same day too. :-)

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