Monday, September 6, 2010
The first meeting was to take stock--I began with a list of the numbers 1 to 100, and next to each I wrote something to be thankful for. I stopped at 100, but could have gone on for a while. Most of the "things" weren't things at all, as you might imagine.
Then on one side of a steno pad, I made a list of the negatives in my life. On the other side of the vertical line, I wrote the positives. Not just random positives, but things that are positive about my problems. This was an eye-opener.
I've been re-reading Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach. These two exercises were in some of the recent chapters. (The book is set up to be read January 1 to December 31, but I started in August with the first chapter. Such a rebel.) I've loved this book for years, but it is more worthwhile to me now than ever before. I had intended to do the next exercise, but got busy with something else.
So I began the next exercise at about 3:30 this morning! It happens once in a while--I wake up with our family's problems on my mind. So I decided to lose some sleep in order to gain some peace of mind. I wrote out the conversation with myself. With my husband's illness, so much about our lives has changed. My mind is constantly full of what I should be doing--worries, questions, possible solutions--but it's just a chaotic swirl. Writing things down always helps me, and today was no exception.
I won't bore you with details, but I must take a sabbatical from writing. I don't have time and energy to do what I have to do in real life, and do my writer gig too. If I try, neither will be my best.
Each day lately when I fail to work on a story, I feel like a failure in general. In order to get through our family's situation as well as possible, I have to take care of myself--mentally, physically, and spiritually. If I don't do that, I can't take care of anyone else.
I intend to post here at least once a month. I hope you won't forget me; I won't forget you. There are books I want to write, and one of these days it will be time for that.